Hello again my angels - has it been a week already since my last column?
I complain about being single, but it really is through my own fault – I just don't want to get hurt
So today I'd like to talk about how I've became the person I am today, guided by a great dad and stepmum.
My wonderful dad has been a driving force in my life, always there to advise and sometimes give me a good telling off. He is aware of my online presence, and does hear bits and bobs about what I put on social media from his work collegues and family members who are actively online.
He says he won't go on Facebook or Twitter because he would find it disturbing to see some of the more heavy and negative comments that people write about his daughter - which are wholly unwarranted and unnecessary.
As he says, I'm just living my life as I choose to - just as everybody else is in this world. So why do people think I should live by rules set by others?
Despite his loving presence, I still find it hard to trust many people - or, if I do, because I’ve had a bad relationship with my mum for most of my life, I feel like they are going to let me down so I have this barrier up.
When lads show an interest in me, I feel like they are after something or will just betray me, so I just get rid of them before they get too close - usually by causing an argument with them so they go away!
I complain about being single, but it really is through my own fault – I just don't want to get hurt.
Little things are massive to me, so I tend to blow every little thing out of proportion and then regret my actions later on.
I guess its just my way of feeling in control and having some form of power over my own life - I can convince myself that things are my choice and my doing!
I often make errors in judgement, but I really do have a good heart; I'm just trying to protect myself from a big bad world that, the more I look at it, isn't actually so big and so bad!
So if you ever don't get a response from me, or you find me pulling back or away from situations, or if you even find me being defensive, please try to remember that I don't mean half the things I say. And if I ever seem nasty or hostile, it's just my defence mechanism kicking in and my own way of coping with my demons.
This is why I'd like to take a moment and thank you all for your lovely, kind and supportive messages; it means the world to me to know I have such sincere people who take the time to send me words of encouragement – and the feedback I got from my first ever column was out of this world.
If I ever seem nasty or hostile, it's just my own way of coping with my demons...
My dad and stepmum are the most kind hearted people in my life; they don't judge or criticise anybody, but instead offer suggestions or other ways to deal with situations - and even if you don't agree with them, that's fine.
So this week I had a trial run for Christmas Day; I invited the family over and cooked the roast I will be doing on the day and it was a roaring success. I'm an excellent cook, if I do say so myself and it was a lovely excuse to have everybody over to my house.
I recently moved out of Liverpool to St Helen's, Merseyside, after the death of my grandfather and took over his house; it was all ripped out and everything is brand-spanking new… I love it!
And it's even better because I know that my granddad would love that his home is still as happy and loving as it ever was. The house is totally unrecognisable, of course, after the overhaul, but I'm sure he would love every part of it.
It made me feel a bit uneasy, people actually knowing where I lived
One of the reasons I wanted to leave Liverpool was because, with having a huge online presence, it's sometimes hard to even walk out the door with people constantly ready to critisise the way I look, the car I drive or even what shops I'm shopping in. So this move has been great for me.
Of course people worldwide know me, and every time I DO go shopping, I always get the "hi, seen you in River Island etc", but that's all good when people are nice.
I do think fans can be a bit more full on when they know where you live, as many of mine did - I mean, half the neighbours were on my Facebook! And it made me feel a bit uneasy, people actually knowing where I lived when I was in Liverpool.
But nobody knows where I live now, which is great by me!
I haven't even had chance to invite my friends to the new house , what with it being 15 miles outside of Liverpool - they're a bit reluctant to cross the divide onto "wool" territory haha!
I love St Helen's personally and am happier than I've ever been. I'm in Liverpool a lot of the time anyway - as I have a lot of bookings and appointments over there - so I don't miss it.
I'd prefer to live out of the way and relax in my own home, without worrying my house will be targeted by naughty people. It still has 2 alarm systems, one on the house and one to the police, but that's just me. Safety safety safety - there are some right loonies about.
Well, I've rambled enough - see you all next week!
All my love,
Chelsey Louise Harwood