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How to cope when your ex boyfriend moves on

We’ve all been there.  You’ve just about got over the breakup, put away the Kleenex and stop living off jumbo tubs of Ben & Jerry’s, when you’re hit with the bombshell - your ex has a new love interest. Don’t panic, read our definitive guide to staying strong and keeping positive in the face of his new relationship.
 
Have fun
It may seem obvious, but makingplans with your besties is a sure fire way to improve your mood. “Schedule something for every night and make plans with people who really adore you” says Diana Kirschner, relationship expert. “If you isolate yourself, you’ll become more depressed.”

Get it off your chest
Sometimes a little moan can do you good, and this time is no exception. “Lean on your friends and talk about your ex until you have no words left to say,” says psychotherapist and life coach Christine Webber.

Take a trip
So they’ve moved on. Maybe now is the perfect time for you to take that trip you always wanted to, get away from it all and enjoy your independence. “The key is to not go too soon,” says Rachel A. Sussman, relationship therapist.  “You need to give yourself time to feel like crap before you can truly enjoy a getaway.”

Go cold turkey
It always feels easier to stay in touch rather than cut someone off completely, but the truth is it just won’t help, especially now they’ve got someone new in their life. Do yourself a favour and cut contact for 30 days, says Sussman. “You’ll get over it faster with zero contact and you’re proving to yourself that you can survive.”




Identify your triggers
One word – facebook. It’s easy to torture yourself checking their profile by the hour, but this will only cause you unnecessary pain. As well as cutting contact, delete them until you feel ready. “You’re still pretty vulnerable to that emotional tug,” says Dr Rebecca Cladding. “Getting rid of all those reminders can help get you over the initial hump.”

Use your body
Once you get to the stage when you are ready to meet your ex’s new partner make sure your body doesn’t give away any discomfort. Robert Phipps, a body language expert, says "Let your hands drop to your sides - placing them on your hips can be taken as a sign of aggression. Resist the urge to join your hands together - it forms a barrier. You might fiddle with your hair when you're nervous, but his new girlfriend may interpret this as flirtation and feel threatened. Hold your handbag in your left hand, so your right one is free to shake theirs. Introduce yourself first, so they have to follow your lead. Say hello with a big smile, then relax your face into its natural, happy expression.”

Make a list
It may seem silly, but making a list of all the things you didn’t like about your ex can help you feel more positive, says Christine Webber. Make a separate list of all the things you like about being single – like being able to invest in your friends and watch what you want on TV!

By Eleanor Hooper